Not Too Late For Me
by BlueFire04
Summary: Gohan reflects on his father's careless attitude.Soon his rants end at his four-year-old daughter,Pan. First-person view, in Gohan's. Angst.One-shot. Please review!


Hello! This is my first fanfic, so take it easy on me. Please? But, if you have to…  
Anyway, if you _do_ spot some errors, try to type it in the review box nicely.  
This is about Gohan's feelings about his Dad. I've been feeling angry at Goku , seriously. He's so oblivious to everything and everyone acts as if it's okay. So I had our favourite demi-saiyan elaborate on _his_ feelings. Oh, and it's in first-person view.

Enjoy! :D

Dad grinned, hugging Krillin again.

"Goku, I'm _so_ happy you're back! We'd never be able to survive without _you_!

"Awww… Shucks, Krillin. Thanks!"

I forced a smile as Piccolo-sensei glanced my way. I was about to put it down when Mum called over, angry but happy for Dad nonetheless, as always.

"Go-han! Sweetie, are you sure you're not hungry? There's still plenty of food left here!"

"Uh, yeah Mum! I'll get just get food later!"

"Okay, but make 'later' soon! Your father and Vegeta, not to mention Goten and Trunks'll probably eat it all!"

Sometimes I pity her. She has to put up with three saiyans at home and five at parties. Nobody thinks about it except me, though. I think I hear her cry at night, when she thinks everyone's asleep. She thought life with Dad would be perfect.

Dad. Or Goku. A name I both hate and love.

Love, because he's so positive and cheerful all the time.

Hate because he never seemed to care about me or Mum.

"Hey, Gohan!" One of my, or Dad's rather, friends, Yamcha yelled at me over Bulma's loud music. "Join the party! You look like you've seen Raditz all over again!"

Raditz. Yeah, Raditz's where it all started.

Before my crazy evil alien uncle went to visit, life was perfect. Dad was always with me and Mum, only occasionally going out to train or get groceries.

But after crazy evil alien uncle…he started ignoring me. Slowly, but surely.

"Gohan? You ok?" I looked up at my wife.

"I'm fine, Vi. Just tired."

Videl looked unconvinced, but left it there. She probably knows what day it is today.

May 11. The day my father died.

Nobody remembers that day anymore. Not even Dad himself. Who knows, maybe _I'll_ forget it someday. It's been thirteen years after all.

I don't really blame myself for Dad's death… just for loosening the leash.

I do know that I didn't kill Dad. Pride is a saiyan weakness. Not just for saiyans, actually. Everyone. No one's safe. We never were.

Dad…Dad's the kind of person who runs away at the second the opportunity comes by. Without looking back on what he left. It's like having to keep a leash on him all the time.

Others call him a hero, I call him a coward. He runs when he doesn't know what to do. _Unless it's fighting_, I thought.

Too cowardly to deal with family problems, too cowardly to raise his own son.

Heroism isn't just saving the world a couple of times. Or being super strong.

It's making the right choices. Or dealing with the consequences.

_Why doesn't he understand how I feel? About him leaving? ALL THE TIME?_

Wow. I feel like laughing at myself right now. Ranting in my head like a crazed lunatic. Maybe I _am_ a crazed lunatic.

But I'm not speaking, er, thinking about just myself here.

Mum… forced to be forever just a housewife. Strongest woman in the world, reduced to most emotionally unstable.

Goten… never had a father. Used to be innocent, now addicted to cellphones, dating multiple girls…

They've all suffered, and never took a don't because they feel Dad needs a break.

But he _doesn't._

I can hardly hear the sound of Bulma's lively music over my angst.

Hardly hear the sound of a baby crying.

_Hardly._

I looked at my side to find my four-year-old daughter, Pan, wailing, covering her ears from the loud music.

How could I be so absorbed in my thoughts when my child is suffering?

I quickly grabbed her and cradled her. How did _she _get here? Videl must've left her here earlier.

She soon fell asleep in my arms, despite the noise. I watched in amazement. Was this the effect of a father on his children?

Was…was me and Dad like this too?

I never seem to remember anything about early childhood now. Everything's a blur of scenery from the forest. Whenever I sleep, it's fitful, because of nightmares.

Maybe not. Dad's too ignorant sometimes to see my thinks I can handle myself. Heh. Ignorant. Ignorance isn't an excuse. I look over at him laughing with Tien over some joke.

But now looking at him, being ignorant to his family's feelings all over again, it seems impossible to change him.

Maybe it _is _too late for him…

My eyes trained on my peacefully slumbering daughter.

But maybe it's not too late for me.


End file.
